Swachhta!

She sighs, tired from a long day, and sits down to scribble a few lines in to her journal.
She rarely does that. Something really profound must have happened.

May 2nd 2012,

My cousin and his kids came home from the U.S. of A last week. I ve been spending a lot of time with them.

Cute kids, they have a lot of energy,so many stories to share, it is so much fun being around them.. Well the younger one is a peach, the kid is in that place where they learn to talk, precious right?! 
Had a really long day. But one incident just baffled me.

My nephew was filling his 'Ben 10' fanny pack with wrappers from all the chocolates and ice creams he had. It was so full he started holding them in his tiny fists and  washaving difficulty holding the other things. 

So my cousin says 'Why aren't you throwing all the trash away?? Why are you collecting everything?' 

The kid complained, 'I couldn't find a trash can dad!'

For which he got a reply, 'No no, you need not search for a trash can , you can throw the wrappers here or for that matter anywhere!'

The kid obliged. What else would he do? He is four!!

Well thank god there was someone who cleaned up right behind him.

I grew up with 2 siblings who did not give any thought before throwing juice boxes, wrappers or cartons right in the middle of the road for 22 years. I even got into a huge fight with my brother over a Frooti bottle and didn't talk to him for hours and got into trouble with my parents for being arrogant, obnoxious and some other things I shouldn't even reveal here <Well, sounds stupid now I guess>. And today, this happens!!

Well I guess you tell and tell, but you only end up being such a bore to your own cousins and nothing ever changes!!


August 16th 2012,

It is one month since Tinku returned to India after her long trip from the U.S. of A, and I couldn't help but notice that she is being really clean about everything around her, conspicuously putting every juice box every small wrapper nowhere but in the nearest trash can.

I was very intrigued and grilled her for the reason [well my wicked plan was to work it on Pinku so he could change too.. ;) ] when she said that she was shamed by our nephew (the four year old with the fanny pack) in-front of his foreign friends. He said, and she quoted 'Se,e don't litter this place with all this plastic,if it is India, you can.. But you are not in India anymore,so here you ll have to put it in the trash can.'

Though I can't play this card on Pinku, it got me thinking. It took a long expensive trip and shaming by a four year old for Tinku to realize.. And the worst part is, she is educated and all!

I wish I could smack on Pinku's head and the keys fall in the right place, that would be so much easier!!

October 2nd 2014,

My cousin and his kids are visiting again. The kid threw some trash on the road.
I asked him to pick it all up and hold it till he finds a trash can when Pinku said, 'Well I don't know which India your father grew up in little fellow, but here, we don't do that anymore!'
He happily obliged!!  Well, he is just six, but he ll never do that again. Not here!

<This is not fiction. It is very much veridical!>

Might not be as moving, but we are literate and sensible right? 

So the next time you mindlessly stop to pee on the roads, realize that you are making approximately 60% of India's population vulnerable to cholera, diarrhea, typhoid etc..

The next time you drop a juice box on the roads, realize

that there thousands tourists who dread coming to India,well you are just slackening up the chance for a low paid employee to construct his own toilet.

The next time you spit on the road, the next time you throw a still- on-fire cigarette butt on the road, realize that there are many girls dropping out of the school because they don't have good sanitation facilities, you are robbing them of their future and dreams.

'Nirmal' or 'Swachh', good intentions can never let us down. 

Every effort to fulfill our duties is also patriotism.

I am that change. I hope you are too.. 

So we can meet on the other side where the grass is greener and India is cleaner!

So Close, Yet So Far!

Only 2 days before the journey I was looking forward to recently, I came across this really disturbing article, which got quite popular on the social networking sites, claiming that the death of the rape victim was hushed up for a few days with money. My friends were also a little sceptical about that. However, I chose not to believe some random article to blame the system to be so corrupt, we've seen the protest was profound.I just made peace with people having different lookout on different things and moved on to other articles. May be, I was not ready to accept the fact that those in such responsible positions, by saying responsible, I don't mean the officials alone,will be using such a sensitive issue to take a chance to make money.Naive! That is the only word I can think of for describing myself!

Days after she lost her life,Just when my friend was telling me today the rape, in a two or three days there will be some other thing, we ll turn the pages of the newspaper and forget it, I had to take a cab, the very next day, not so early in the morning, but quite early at 8 a.m and I was glad even though the police stopped the car just 2 minutes after we started and I was getting late, but I was glad because they stopped the cab because the glasses were tinted light grey, translucent vision for the outsiders, not the completely opaque tint, I felt good, as the repercussions of the rape case brought in some really strong measures, and unlike the traffic rules, which are more often than not violated are being strictly mandated and taken care of. I felt proud, to have known that all is not lost. A moment of happiness and reassurance for not taking into the articles. Well that didn't long last!

After about 10 minutes out of the cab, the driver came back in and started driving towards the destination. I was curious to know how he got off from the police. He casually answered 'I gave him Rs 200!' . I can't say I was shocked,but I felt really sad. Just when I thought, we are getting close as nation, a step,though tine, closer to making women feel safe, this incident took me light years away,pushing hope into abyss! Oh! So close, yet so far! Reiterating, yet again, that laws can not be all.. I shut my brain up! Not one is to be blamed. We are all the same, and that is a shame!

Just when I thought the taint of this city, I love like crazy, of being a rape capital can be washed out, with organisational determination, the malady of corruption comes from behind with a dagger,betraying while making space to restate inefficiency in every form possible. Are we really hoping for too much? Can the dreams of the head being held nigh ever come true? Well even if there is a remote chance of that happening, the fare seems to be too high to pay.

Money!! Money!! Whether we sail or drown, whether the terminus will be sought in good shape. Yeah, true but tragic, money, it seems is the one thing that deceives us from dreams and makes vulnerable enough to succumb to the desires! 

Why was I so upset, when I already knew what was going to happen? It was nothing new. Well, I could answer that only with one word 'Hope'. Hopefully, atleast that ll never die. I guess I am too curious to know the power of unity to say 'No'. The collective urge to realise that 'Being Human' just means, a little trust and faith, a little give and take, a little philanthropy and selfishness, a little rage and equanimity,a little sorrow and a tad of happiness, all put together. May be that is the miracle we are all working together for.

Yesterday it was a brutal rape, today a sewn time bomb inside a jawan's belly.What all we get to see!! And we talk of being human! The only things being constant are corruption and deception, and they always give ample space to the acute veneration for tomorrow. Is any step we take really taking us forward?

Sigh!

My very first Lohri!!

January 13th, 2013!
Woah!! Look at that,it is two 13s there! ;)

Haha! For everyone who said that today.. I just wanted to share something I realised today, I felt it was important I wrote it down somewhere(later thought, why not share), lest I overlook and forget! It might sound stupid for some,nevertheless that wouldn't stop me from writing it here!

We have so many superstitions, (the 13 thingy I was referring to before), true having an awful day gives every reason to sulk, But doesn't that only mean, this placebo is robbing you of all the opportunities that can kick the day up?! That is old wine! Yeah, it is a universal truth so, I don't have anything new to share there,moving on.

Ohkk ok,Here is what I really wanted to write on,We are so vulnerable and gullible most of the times. We are so full of inhibitions (This stands no exception to the so-called most egalitarian societies of the west). We judge! A lot, and today, I realised that does more harm to us than to the person who is being judged! It is like living in a coffin. Though I can not share the incident that made me realise this, here is what, We end up naming relationships, quantifying them. We always have this preconceived notion that some people 'close' to us can always make us happy. While some people, are always nettlesome. Not at all true.
Well,an hour of Lohri celebrations, pop corn, winter night,bonfire, songs and a few friends, shattered this impression of mine. I had one of the most memorable days, away from home.

Turns out,a truly hearty, selflessly happy person can always make others happy. It is like the sun! It is a radiation,warm and soothing.
People are only what their feelings make them, we never know what their journey is all about,judging them would be robbing ourselves from all the happiness a person can potentially share with us! We might as well make ourselves less gullible.

May be a little less of judgement, can promise a hell lot of happiness. People may not be the same, but then unfeignedly shared happiness has no substitutes. True celebration, is all about sharing,shattering all the inhibitions we brought along with us! We all come in uniquely wonderful, the pursuit might change us,after all.. It is but the 'Difficulty of being Good '

A Walk Without Earphones

I don't generally eavesdrop. Also, my social memory is very poor,so it doesn't matter,actually, because I can't judge them even if I want to. It took me two months to actually recognise a person I have been seeing regularly for 2 months then. Ok, may be not that poor. Some people, I remember, in my wake and in dream,like I can see and recognise them miles away (ok, that is exaggeration!), feet away, may be it is my selective perception of remembering things. But one thing is for sure. I can not remember a person, by seeing them just once! Don't even get me started with names. I suck. Big time! Ok.. getting to the point, after getting a good rebuke from one of my very close friends regarding my social isolation(In my defense,I put music on, only when I am walking alone) of putting earphones on when I walk, how much information(ya,she used that exact same word),fun I am missing and after her telling me the 'ok-ness' of occassional eavesdropping and it's benefits ;) (even I agree now, it is fun) I decided I ll walk back home without the earphones. Trust me, I felt like I was walking through some random movies! People are funny when observed with no cause-effect relation to the context they are in. Haha! But there is one conversation that struck me. I would have regretted if I, even by chance, missed it.

There were two people sitting: A guy was speaking,I did not see the other person(no, not even gender, I told you,I am poor at observation) I was having juice, so I could catch almost whole of the conversation, lucky me! :D 

That was just one sentence,and I thought it ought to be here, recorded, on the blog, so that I ll never forget or neglect.

"No da, you should not stop abruptly, just try to learn how to manage time na.. Hobbies are not something you have to live with all through, need not be a proffessional or something,but they are those thing which you can not live without, you need them to relieve you from what you want to achieve. Keep them alive,you love them, remember? So no matter what, you ll find time for them,also, they bring glee in you. Once you lose them,it is difficult to get back to them. Trust me, I faced that problem." <And I, felt educated!>

I could not listen to the other person's reply,I was done with juice. I did not want to be perceived creepy, so I left the place. But I think I ll remember what he said. Also, I decided, I ll spend less time with technology and more time, walking through wonderful, realistic and cost-effective movies like this. May be, sometimes a complete stranger has something nice to teach, or may be, sometimes a seemingly juvenile thing needs to be taught! Strange ways.. Strange destinations!
Adios.
PS: Even I think that life is a mistake, if there is no music! :) But movies are much better.

Aspire..

"Hey,look for the green file in the lobby, I am getting really late for the class.." She opened the cupboard, to check for the file there. She knew that the chances of finding it there are really thin, the top drawer,which was not opened for the last few months since her uncle passed away, she did not want to lose even the thinnest of chance to find it, for, she was really getting late. She always used those hand-made files from the SHG she worked for, beautiful as they seemed and also a little something to help the others. She was groping the top drawer for the file,when a roll of paper, as thick as a parchment fell down. To her surprise, it was addressed to her.. Unfolding, she started reading it, it was from her uncle, her father's brother, who was her guardian since long..


" 10th September 2007,
I might be dead long before you read this. But you should know,I was dead. Since yesterday. The day your parents died in the flyover collapse. Even as I wipe my tears off, anger, frustration and self hatred are brimming upon me! I always wanted to tell this to you,but I think it weighed too heavy on me that the chances are, you might hate me.. You are the only ray of hope left for me to move towards forgiving myself, and I did not want to lose that. The truth is, I am responsible for debasing myself,I was corrupt. And that pain anchors heavily on me. It all came back rushing to me when you scarpered, tears rolling down your cheeks, from the tragic scene where your parents lay numb. You knew they were not going to get back to you ever. When I got the contract of the flyover,I got it because I was bribing.Not because I was efficient, not because I was the most suitable for the job. Not because I deserved it. I bribed the officer. When he did not knuckle under, I used the kin force. I gained a lot of money, with which I sent my son to the US.. I was happy. But it shortlived. How the hell did I know that one day, my brother, and his wife, sincere and true to heart teachers as they were, would lay dying under the collapsed flyover? Leaving you an orphan, under the preview of a corrupt guardian such as me..They only left me a life full of remorse. I could not share this with you earlier. I can not bear the feeling that you would see me as the murderer who took your family away from you. But it is my responsibility that I should keep you informed, even from beyond! The day you came to stay with me forever, is the day I realized how gruesome a life I was leading. I stopped contracts. I was a bigger person from then on. I know that this is not the appropriate way of letting you know that your parents' murderer,has been your guardian all along.But,against all the odds,I hope somewhere,sometime down the lane,you can forgive me. I think somewhere deep down I know I would not be able to look directly into your eyes filled with hatred, no.. not even on my death bed, and that is  why this letter. I hope the blotches of tears will not vitiate what I wanted to say. I now know the cost of corruption. You know that my good wishes will always be with you.
Love,
Uncle (If you can still call me that)"


A letter, a piece of paper has changed all that has happened to her, her whole life, all that she has believed in.It was from that person who taught her that 'Life is beautiful'. But it turns out,Life is clasped tight in the many paths you have to choose, which path you take, which color you apply to make it beautiful, is totally in your hands.

Puffy-eyed, she thought of the last time she saw her parents, through the balcony when they were going to get her the Harry Potter book she has been nagging them to buy.They never returned. She walked up and down the hallway, clutching the letter tight. On hearing the loud footsteps, she looked up and on seeing him at a distance, a faint smile appeared on her face.As he walked closer to her, she gained some strength she lost in the last few minutes. He sat next to her, gave her the file and asked her what the matter was. She shook her head, gesturing everything was fine.Its her husband. Yeah, everything is going to be fine. She knows,though not at the moment, she is going to forgive her uncle, after all, he died of remorse, she is a bigger person than he was,now, she has a husband who is a social worker, who never in his living nightmare,would offer anyone a penny to bribe. She is a teacher, and works with the Self help groups. She is on the right side of the coin. She clutched the file, and took steps towards the school, as she knows, somewhere down the lane, she will influence at-least one person to stick to morale and be truly humane all life long. She knows, her job is what moulds the future, she knows that what she is doing is what is going to save more people from getting victimized. She can pay back to the society for what her uncle did. She was sitting in a corner, wiping the tears off her cheeks with the ends of her sari. Life goes on, but only towards a better tomorrow..

5 years of time! To be or Not to be..

4th September 2010,

2:00am : Watched that one movie. Lost gale in the sequences I always loved, once upon a time!
2:15am: Switched off the laptop.. Checked my cell phone. No missed
calls.. No messages. Hmmph! That, I knew!
2:16am : "Hey, Pls let me know of the tym and place, about the
workshop thing tomoro! :) Gudnyt.."
Send message to: Mr.A..

2:17am: A water bottle.. Dark room.. Earphones on.. Some random song..
2:19am: Fireflies! :)
2:20am: Fireflies.. And my favourite song on the shuffled list! " Ahh..Feels Great!!" :)
2:22am: One more arrest to the deterrent late nights in the mobile light.. Shimmering!
2:25am: Tuckered at the assured Midnight blues... And.. ZzzzZZzzzzz!! O-)
7:00am: Sleepy eyes, Half open.. Checked the inbox to find a Text..
"Kalasiguda Boys Highschool,Secunderabad Patny Centre.. Be there by
1:30pm! :) Gudmorning.."
7:10am: Back to sleep.. :)
:D :D :D For the next few hours.. Some completely random stuff I wouldn't dicker for an extravagent sizzling hot chocolate brownie! :D:D :D
1:34 pm: Waiting at the spot, cognizant of the text I got earlier that
day! Though just four minutes late, I was tensed of being missed out
upon this! I did not want to miss..
1:58pm: After a few random calls, They come and pick me up and take me to the school.. Hence making me realize, yet again, I am bad.. No.. not just bad, I am BADDD at finding places..!
What happened there in lieu of a sober weekend afternoon is what is making me write this post!

As we entered the school.. The principal came out..
"Great to have you guys here! It is a really good thing that you are
conducting a career guidance workshop to the 9th and tenth classes ,It
is going to be really helpful for them. Please try and do it every
year, so that all the batches are benefitted."
It was one single building, close to ruins, I have seen worse.. But the terrace did not have a pent wall.. Dangerous! The children were all over the place.. None clad with uniforms.. Too much noise...
As this was what was happening infront of me... Something occurred to me, Something long forgotten.. Something that was enshrouded by many other playful memories I held on to..




"That was a sunny February afternoon, 5 years ago.. I was 
sitting the 9th class (D section room),When my class teacher 
walked in, many flyers and a few pamphlets crouched in her 
hands.. As she came in..
distributed those, everyone in the class was excited while 
they read.. I still remember the first question it put to us.. 


'What is your goal?/ What is the career option you would opt 
for?'"
As these memories rushed.. Someone, from behind.. 'Hey, 
which one do you think?'
I said "Yeah yeah, U were asking me to chose right? This 
poster is good, We ll use this one today!"
The principal was back, He went in to subdue the children, 
with all the possible concern one can have.. "Please speak to 
them as if you are one among them, they would not 
understand or reach out to you if you
spoke eccentric."

Consenting to what he said, 
We entered the hallway.. 
Where all the 8th,9th and 
10th class students were eager to know what is with 
us, till we distributed some 
sheets, Where the first question said "What is your goal?" 
The group of 8th class kids I was allocated to give a career 
guidance workshop on.. Out of the 11 in that group.. 7 
wanted to be Doctors and their answer to Why? Was not 'I 
don’t know' They all answered  that they wanted to serve 
the society. I was amazed! 3 Police officers and a 
Mechanical Engineer also held me amazed at their social 
responsibility.


"I never had a problem writing in English in my 8th or 
9th,or for that matter I never had a problem speaking in 
English too! As a kid always wanted to be a doctor! And 
as the second question asked, Why? I did not know why, I 
always wanted to be.. May be because they can help 
everyone. That was the first time in the 9th I  filled in that answer.. And I was asked to go to a room where our 
career counsellers were supposed to be sitting.. As I 
walked through the corridors.. Gay with
the sunlight.. I always felt, that someday I would be a 
doctor and there will be people waiting for me in the lounge.. waiting for my help.. For a hand to save, inspired by life! That day all I remember was most of my other classmates filled in 'Software 
Engineers' 'Mechanical Engineers' and ofcourse 
'Sportsman', Many had different reasons, and some of 
them filled in 'To serve the people'"


As they filled in the forms, One thing I observed.. They all 
had trouble with English, spellings and words, But they did 
not want to write in Telugu. They wanted to fill it up in 
English. They were determined to do that and they made me 
spell each and every word of the four questions that form 
had! I explained them of what all career options they had 
other than what they opted for and also how to reach there! 


They were mischievous, but were keen on knowing, intent 
on heeding! All the scholarship programs available, And also 
a toll free number launched for the guidance program. At 
the end of the workshop, as we bid farewell to them, I don’t 
know if I ll met these kids again, a kid (who wants to be a doctor)came to me, and 
asked me.. 'Di, Who are
you? A doctor? Did you also fill these forms in your 8th 
class?'
I smiled. I did not answer! I did not want to! May be of the 
guilt that I cheated on my own dreams!


Or may be.. I did not want the kid to know that a failure 
guided him on his career plans! Whatever that has happened 
to me.. I am a happy person now. I have been that person for long.. But that question, I could not just answer, 
fondling the kids hair.. I just said 'Study well.. One day you 
should be a doctor.. I ll come
to you for the treatment!' He smiled, wide 'Yes Di.. One day 
after I become a doctor.. I ll call this toll free number and I 
ll ask them to inform you that I achieved
it!' Given to merry frolicking of his fellow mates.. He left 
home..!

When we all sat jotting down the logistics of the day and observation on the statistics..
'More than 90% of them wanted to be police! And serve the society'
'More than 30% of them wanted to be Doctos, also to serve people'
5 years back.. I don’t know how many answered 'To serve the society..' But I bet its fewer.. much much less than 90% way less than that. I forgot to mention.. I went to one of the finest schools in town.. 'It
was private' I know why I did not want to be a doctor. Fear. Selfish, I put myself before the society. There may be many reasons why I am not a doctor now. The point is,I couldnot catch up with what I dreamt as a kid! I might be a happy person today. But I am not the person what I always wanted to be!
I never had to walk,bare foot, 2 miles to get to school.
I never faced problems buying books.
I never sat in a class room that did not have a fan.
I never had problem writing or speaking in English.
I never worked for others after the school hours.
I never wore ragged clothes.
I never slept hungry.
My life was set.. to a certain standard of living. I was a happy child. I did not know that the other side of the coin even existed! None of my classmates ever had those efforts to be made. We were born and brought up happy.. May be that is the reason.. We could not see beyond a Happy ending.. A happy person with lots of money. May be that is why We could not fill the 'Why' column. May be that is why I am not a person whom I dreamt of being! I am this now! And I cant go back to chose the other road! Yet again, My life was set.
7:30 pm: Back to my room.
9:30 pm: Started drafting a blog post.
And now I type this:
"I don’t like saying ‘the poor' or the 'needy' there aren't any. They are not poor. They are the dream catchers. Lancer! Its time we stopped feeling happy about our set lives.. What I could not do, I want the others to achieve. Who are more willed upon achieving it! You are already the person whom you dreamt of being? Then why don’t you be the first stepping stone to the others who are striving hard to catch up!?"
It was the same, I was still the same person.. But that day.. When I went to bed.. I was happier..
Happier than I have ever been..
5th September 2010,
2:17am : A water bottle.. Dark room.. Earphones on.. Some random song..
2:19am: Fireflies! :)
It is just that they looked more beautiful to me! :)

I was a happy person.. Now I am happier! :)

Now, that I shared my dreams.. :) Just because I realized, Its never too late.. And nothing is set! I thanked all my teachers before sleep hunkered down.. Atleast,I am a happy person. And I could make atleast one kid 'Dream big!'