Aspire..

"Hey,look for the green file in the lobby, I am getting really late for the class.." She opened the cupboard, to check for the file there. She knew that the chances of finding it there are really thin, the top drawer,which was not opened for the last few months since her uncle passed away, she did not want to lose even the thinnest of chance to find it, for, she was really getting late. She always used those hand-made files from the SHG she worked for, beautiful as they seemed and also a little something to help the others. She was groping the top drawer for the file,when a roll of paper, as thick as a parchment fell down. To her surprise, it was addressed to her.. Unfolding, she started reading it, it was from her uncle, her father's brother, who was her guardian since long..


" 10th September 2007,
I might be dead long before you read this. But you should know,I was dead. Since yesterday. The day your parents died in the flyover collapse. Even as I wipe my tears off, anger, frustration and self hatred are brimming upon me! I always wanted to tell this to you,but I think it weighed too heavy on me that the chances are, you might hate me.. You are the only ray of hope left for me to move towards forgiving myself, and I did not want to lose that. The truth is, I am responsible for debasing myself,I was corrupt. And that pain anchors heavily on me. It all came back rushing to me when you scarpered, tears rolling down your cheeks, from the tragic scene where your parents lay numb. You knew they were not going to get back to you ever. When I got the contract of the flyover,I got it because I was bribing.Not because I was efficient, not because I was the most suitable for the job. Not because I deserved it. I bribed the officer. When he did not knuckle under, I used the kin force. I gained a lot of money, with which I sent my son to the US.. I was happy. But it shortlived. How the hell did I know that one day, my brother, and his wife, sincere and true to heart teachers as they were, would lay dying under the collapsed flyover? Leaving you an orphan, under the preview of a corrupt guardian such as me..They only left me a life full of remorse. I could not share this with you earlier. I can not bear the feeling that you would see me as the murderer who took your family away from you. But it is my responsibility that I should keep you informed, even from beyond! The day you came to stay with me forever, is the day I realized how gruesome a life I was leading. I stopped contracts. I was a bigger person from then on. I know that this is not the appropriate way of letting you know that your parents' murderer,has been your guardian all along.But,against all the odds,I hope somewhere,sometime down the lane,you can forgive me. I think somewhere deep down I know I would not be able to look directly into your eyes filled with hatred, no.. not even on my death bed, and that is  why this letter. I hope the blotches of tears will not vitiate what I wanted to say. I now know the cost of corruption. You know that my good wishes will always be with you.
Love,
Uncle (If you can still call me that)"


A letter, a piece of paper has changed all that has happened to her, her whole life, all that she has believed in.It was from that person who taught her that 'Life is beautiful'. But it turns out,Life is clasped tight in the many paths you have to choose, which path you take, which color you apply to make it beautiful, is totally in your hands.

Puffy-eyed, she thought of the last time she saw her parents, through the balcony when they were going to get her the Harry Potter book she has been nagging them to buy.They never returned. She walked up and down the hallway, clutching the letter tight. On hearing the loud footsteps, she looked up and on seeing him at a distance, a faint smile appeared on her face.As he walked closer to her, she gained some strength she lost in the last few minutes. He sat next to her, gave her the file and asked her what the matter was. She shook her head, gesturing everything was fine.Its her husband. Yeah, everything is going to be fine. She knows,though not at the moment, she is going to forgive her uncle, after all, he died of remorse, she is a bigger person than he was,now, she has a husband who is a social worker, who never in his living nightmare,would offer anyone a penny to bribe. She is a teacher, and works with the Self help groups. She is on the right side of the coin. She clutched the file, and took steps towards the school, as she knows, somewhere down the lane, she will influence at-least one person to stick to morale and be truly humane all life long. She knows, her job is what moulds the future, she knows that what she is doing is what is going to save more people from getting victimized. She can pay back to the society for what her uncle did. She was sitting in a corner, wiping the tears off her cheeks with the ends of her sari. Life goes on, but only towards a better tomorrow..

How Random can Random get..?

Non-statutory warning: This post being completely random(I might stop making sense in the middle of the post),might be really long and quite boring,feel free to close the browser tab now.. If you did not close the tab then, you might ask me why I want to post it.. I have my reasons.. Ok.. Yeah.. I don't want to sound so aloof, It is just that there are so many ramblings going on in there, top of my head, trust me, it is a small space and I need to get them out,just to free myself. And this is one place where I can do that happily without any concerns.. Sounding narcissistic am I? Well, it is true.. This is my place! :D

This post here is a product of three incidents that have happened recently(not necessarily personal, but ya,they got me thinking)
One,a conversation with my friend Shikha
The second, was me watching a fantabulously awesome movie, 'Anonymous'
The third, was the really ghastly incident that took place in the Maruti carplant at Manesar.

Let me start with the conversation and ease you into boredom..
Shikha asked me if she could find me on facebook and I said I was not on the social network and we got talking about the various features on profile there. Political and Religious ideologies, that is where we got struck and ended up having a discussion about how much we like Karl Marx.Later that night I was browsing and I realised that many of my friends fill that their Political ideology is 'Not interested in Politics' or 'Politics is crap <Excuse me for the language,I tend to do that a lot these days>'. 

Then I remembered something Shikha told me that day. Politics is being seen with a very narrow perspective these days, the maladies the profession carries are being reflected on the people to take a radical stand of not having an ideological inclination at all, she being well versed with the political ideologies says that the fact that one carries a political ideology says that she/he has a vision for the country, they have a clear ideology which should drive the country to the place where they want to see it,Polity is not what we see in the elections today. It is not the policies and promises in the manifestos, it is a drive, it is a social institute that takes us ahead from where we are today. So, having an ideology is having a clear idea of what means are to be manifested to gratify their vision for how the country should get where you want it to be.. I told you this is going to be boring.. But I can not help but go on..Yeah, everyone wants to have a country where there are accessible, affordable and accountable medical facilities, literacy and education, awareness and employment, free and harmonic social relations with regulated amounts of freedom, the point of ideology is, 'How do we get there?'. I remembered back when I had a facebook account my ideology was filled in as 'Liberal'.. After a real short conversation with Shikha I realized I placed myself wrong. I went on Wikipedia to know what my ideology was,later on that..
Coming back to the discussion, I said I love Karl Marx, But I can never be a Marxist. She was taken aback, I actually felt more in peace with Durkheim's theory when it comes to social change, I might be sounding more like a conformist or chauvinistically old fashioned but, when Shikha asked me why, I got thinking and I realized that.. It is not my love for conventions that made me say this but my intention of opposition to Marxism got me here.Now don't get me wrong,here is my explanation.. Whenever I listen to the word or the name 'Marx', the next thing I listen in my head is 'Revolution' and then my visual appearances turn red.. That is pertaining to 'Bloodshed' and 'Violence'.. That is where the whole incident of the Maruti carplant got knit in.. how brutal was that, revolution.. yeah, radicalism is very inspiring, but they were the reason for the loss of a precious life.Not that  I am a great patron of Gandhian ideology of Ahimsa, No!I am not,but just that I have a much much much greater value for Life than I could ever think of.. I never knew I valued life so much till I had that discussion with Shikha.. Later, I was watching 'Anonymous' movie that night, and fell in love with a dialogue::

Ben Jonson: Politics? My play has nothing to do with politics. I-i-i-it's just a simple comedy. 
Earl of Oxford: It showed your betters as fools who'd go through life barely managing to get food from plate to mouth were it not for the cleverness of their servants. All art is political, Jonson, otherwise it would just be decoration. And all artists have something to say, otherwise they'd make shoes. And you are not a cobbler, who also 'writes', are you Jonson. (Now, that is not degrading or undermining because back then, there were no artisans involved in materialistic production, it was almost majorly mechanical)

Even the most intense art forms are sometimes the products of political ideologies. After all,French revolution had an ideological push from literature! That is when I had this urge to find my place in the political ideologies.. Not that I am forcing anyone to know their ideology, but this is the celebration of me knowing that everyone has an ideology innately.For all those who love the country.. Actually,that is what we owe to patriotism and nationalism.. It is only a matter of exploring it within oneself. Now, to my discovery (Ok, that is a tad too much,but cut me some slack.. If you had to read this! I typed it!)I realized that I believe in a Polity that has an inclination of Libertarian Socialism with an emphasis on Participism. And as a person, I am close to being a Persistently Optimistic Egalitarian,not that it is of any importance, it is just the joy of knowing and realisation, you know! ;)

Shikha expressed similar views on a sensitive topic of religious views, of religion being a way of life and nothing more than that.. I did not have any comments on that, as I am an Agnostic Theist.. And I am quite clear on why I am so.. May be I got a little confused as a child and that sustained to stay and grow within me!

If you survived through the post, it is great! If you did not,you must be fun, least interested in this and first of all.. you would not be reading this.. So now that I am freed of all the ramblings,realizing that the scariest moment is always just before you start .. Now that I am past it, I can sleep in peace! Phew!! It is oddly unsettling and somehow serene.. Adios! So it turns out, This is as random as it could get!

My new Monalisa

It is so unnatural that 2 years passed on blogger without me mentioning about 'My Precious!' I am a proud owner of a one Mister Canon PowerShot S5 IS. I go on occassional detours to pacify my enthusiasm in photography,how it developed is a whole other story involving a late night work for an SHG. May be I ll write another post for that sometime later. For now, this is dedicated to my camera! Hopefully, I ll be an owner of a DSLR soon enough. Fingers Crossed as there are miles to go...

I owe a post to my camera, which has been with me through all climates and all my moods,it has been my eyes, it has made my mental images come true,it gave me stories to write. It gave me people to speak to(Something really weird about me, I like it a lot when I speak to person who is a complete stranger and has nothing in common with me, when I try to 'speak' to people without making a snap judgement on seeing them or on knowing from where they are, and it is weird but I do speak to strangers a lot when I am with my camera).It introduced to me, a new me. It regulates my thought. It makes me paint with light. It makes me see things differently. It makes my surroundings so much more beautiful.. Ya! I guess I can do this for days. I know,I am not a professional, but,just get this 'My camera makes me complete!'


Haah! That is enough introduction about my post's protagonist. There is one incident I wanted to share.. The other day.. I went clicking to the park in the vicinity here, for my love for candid shots and what better than playful kids? A group of kids were playing and having fun, and I went to click, as it is, they were making fun of one of the girls in their gang, she had bugs bunny teeth, and whenever she was aware that the camera was on her, she stopped smiling, that made me sad. However, I came out of the park, and there was a kid selling balloons, and I wanted to have an icecream and also click balloons, so I started a conversation with him asking about his hometown(a village in U.P, he came to Delhi to earn for himself and his family), his aspirations and his income(mind me! :P he did not feel bad). He said that he wanted to be Shahrukh Khan,he had Bugsy teeth too,like the girl from the park, but when he started posing for the camera, he never clinched.. "Mast photo kheechna didi.. Mein Shahrukh jaisa dikhunga!!" He had a great , bright smile. I can't believe I am saying this, but it was brighter than sunshine, sweeter than honey. I hope he makes it to Bollywood someday. That day,  my camera made me re-learn something I had long forgotten, which my dad told me when I was teasing my cousin, for her rabbit teeth,yeah.. I know, as a kid, I was a pompous fool.. Well.. on a different note, here is what my dad taught me::


"There is no such thing like an ugly smile. Because, people don't smile with their teeth or lips, they smile with their eyes." That day, when I met the future Shahrukh(ya, I have decided), he made it a point, he proved it to me that life is bumping into you, new every moment, and we are to embrace the beauty of life with a smile.. It is not some 'Bugsy' name people give you or comment about your smile.. And my camera proved it! Every smile had life in it! Every picture had life in it. Now, I know why I click nature more often, nature is all smiles, be it summer, winter or monsoons. Now, I know why I click architecture more often,it smiles through the elbow grease of great artisans,and now, I know why I click more often, because there is no such thing like an 'Ugly smile'. That was the day when my dad told is when I decided, I will return a smile, whenever I see a glowing one,whether it is for me or not, I ll return it. I'd love to be the best smile merchant there ever was..

On an ending note, I would love to quote Phoebe Buffay::

"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens

Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens

Brown paper packages tied up with strings

These are a few of my favorite things "

#F.R.I.E.N.D.S


I don't know why, but this particular song always makes me smile. That day, I found my new Monalisa in that kid,I hope you find yours soon too..


PS:: This post is in love for my camera,one year of having it and loving it. Also,to the awesome smile the hero (Jai) carries in the movie 'Engeyum Eppothum'(I did not like the movie so much,one half of it was lame enough to ruin the other awesome half! :D ), I am recently in love with a song from that movie. And to all the other Monalisas(no gender barriers by the way)  out there.. Smile away to glory! When you find a glowing smile, just return one! Please! :)


PPS:: Smellyy cat.. smelly cat.. What are they feeding you!! :D (And that is just some Phoebe-craziness!)