Girl

Tiny trenchant eyes looking around for love,
She never knew till then,
Out of the womb, a being..
Into the world, a Girl..
Who is she, the girl, really?

The father's sigh of exasperation..
The frown across his face,
Rejecting the life infront,
Reducing it to mere existence..
When the tiny fingers reached the sturdy hands
That moved away..
That she is going to be a girl!
Out of the womb,a being..
But into the world, a Girl!

The school gates open,
Oh never be coarse, never play tough..
Foot-ball is for guys,never go seek..
Educated deep into Mis-education..
That she is a girl!
Out of the womb,a being..
But into the world, a Girl!

Home is always ardent is it?
'You cut the vegetables and lay the dining..
Your brother gets to do the market chores..
It is provocative to go out alone!
Oh yeah, That she is a girl!
Out of the womb,a being..
But into the world, a Girl!

College are you in?
Don't utter, don't jest,
don't gander, don't like,
don't cognize, and never love,
Well who would approve assertion?
Oh yeah, That she is a girl!
Out of the womb,a being..
But into the world, a Girl!

Get married, the only thing to draw a bead on..
The home and the hearth you are,
Be a doll.. Be subtle, surreal..
Care and serve, all you do..
We pay to get rid of you!
How they treat is mere cavalier!
Oh yeah, That she is a woman!
Out of the womb,a being..
But into the world, a Girl!


Going out is she?
Dress carefully, the other side has to approve..
Brutal is the espy around,proclivity is it?
Cruel the intentions,
Barbarous the design..
Undressed by the sight,
Molested and chevied..
Tattled to torture,
Guilty of the crime of being forced.
Oh yeah, That she is a girl!
Out of the womb,a being..
But into the world, a Girl!

Everything being deceptive.
Taught to believe in endings and beginnings.
But the truth is, there are no Borders.
Scruples alone exist,
They lead, they resolve,
They recognize,they experience..
Oh yeah, That she is a girl!
Out of the womb,a being..
But into the world, a Girl!

Every night,A hope, 
A desire puts her to sleep..
To wake up into a world, 
where the mind is without fear 
And the head is held high..
Will she ever stop praying,
Not to exist a girl again,
Fruition of life, and acceptance..
Is it not to be a girl, ever again?
Is she ever safe?
Oh yeah, That she is a girl!
Out of the womb,a being..
But into the world, a Girl!

'Justice' is qualitatively different from 'Vengeance'
Talking of incendiary are we? Haha..
What can laws do where the mind is astray?
Practices can be legislated, 
But can conscience ever be?

 

Yatra Naryastu Pujyante, Ramante Tatra Devata
(Though I seldom endorse Manusmriti)


PS: Start the change from your home!

Doubts

Doubts, yeah doubts. I have too many of them.

Is today's 'Education' really the panacea we are looking for? Or is there more?

Many things we need can wait, but the child can’t. To him, we can’t say ‘tomorrow’. Because his name is ‘today’. 

Lately, I realized, contemplating comes involuntarily most of the times. A wide smile that lights up a room doesn't always mean complete, absolute happiness. Change can be as minuscule as maximal it can be. But whatever it is, it is good. Because, yeah... I came to make peace with the notion that utopia is utter boredom,there always has to be some place for change. May be it is but an exaggeration, but I am here to throw light on what I came across recently, and I just got caught up there. May be I should get it out of my system to move on,so I write.

As always, I boil down every human problem to the only panacea I realized since childhood, and that was, is and I guess which always will be ‘Education’. I thought education can change everything, as much as I realize I was right I also realized I couldn't have been more wrong. I miss those days where we can run along the corridor, catch up with a teacher who is taller than you, just to ask a doubt.. So that she can bend down to listen and clarify what is bugging a tiny brain. I miss those days where you raise your hand to get the teacher’s attention just to ask a question so loud to be audible enough to get the doubt clarified. Yeah, back then, I had math doubts.. May be languages and sciences.. But now, I cannot even place some doubts into any genre and my mind doesn't stop blabbering. Well, 20 days at home a bunch of movies and awesome food, may be everyone gets many doubts.

• Change doesn't come to us running if we sit idle. It has got some ego, we need to go there and persuade it to come along and join us, and so is success. While we criticize ego, we try to hold on to it, as that is what gives us the identity we crave for,right?

• Whatever the change the visionaries have anticipated, and strove for, I speak now, actually, we speak now, with the benefit of hind sight that it is inadequate, but we take time to realize that it was relevant and that was what has helped us pave the way to reach this day. Why is it that change has never been overhauling? Why is it always in small doses? Is it like a medicine that the societal system can only take as much as it can agree?

• Just because you know it is panacea, it doesn't mean that it will be the right thing to follow blindly. Doing the right thing is not what matters. Doing the right thing right is what beckons change right into the lap. Every idea that is in shape has to be efficient.It is the idea that is the world around us. So we say, Action has to always accompany idea, so there is no such thing as a handicap right?

• Aspirations can never fall short. But they have to spend more time with action. What appears as the toughest time, as Aun San Suu Kyi said the other day is the time when you think success is round the corner, but sometimes, turning round seems like eternity. There are no short-cuts to truth are they?  Why is it that there is no end to where inspiration can take us?

• Does beauty really lie in the eyes that behold? Don’t you think, all our eyes are tied with the handcuffs of stereotyped socialization? Let me tell this small thing.. fair is beauty, dark is ugly or tall is appealing short is not. At least that is what is endorsed in the million dollar ads that are all around us. If it is so, then where does the eye have space,to make a choice of stamping something as beauty, without going into various apprehensions?

• Initially the bell had no religious symbolism. It was used to grab the attention of the masses. Mind is where things are born. Mind is wonderfully weird while being cautiously vibrant. How is it possible that it is always capable of rhetorically giving life to antonyms, while placing side by side, making conflict inevitable?
• Why is fear so timid? It ultimately takes the form of the brave,it succumbs, with no choice,none at all.

Yeah, I got all these ramblings shouting at me from inside my brain after I watched a bunch of movies. Hmm.. Of what, like, say 5 languages. I know, mind is one thing that never shuts up I guess. Well, here is the realization part, these days I answer everything with this: The Sword and Shield analogy.

Let me take 'Education', as I mentioned earlier. I am not here to endorse or criticize any government program. Because I always think that change that is eternal always comes from within and not from the external push. Education, as a shield, can only protect you from what you don’t want to be. It is rout.It can’t change anything, like we know.. It is memorizing and blurting out. A shield is incapable of inducing change. However, Education like a sword,creative, agile and intelligently adaptable, will protect you, while you shape your surroundings according to what you aspire. A sword, it is creative, dynamic and at the same time protectively hindering. It is not a dagger that kills. A sword moulds what is at your disposal to whatever is the best thing that could be at use right then, right there.

I could not help myself from applying that to 'Talking'. Talking, when used as a shield, is just a protection. It will not give you the dauntless valour to defend against the wrong. Most of the time, it makes you end up ignoring or overlooking it, just to appease to the surroundings. But, talking, as a sword it is one thing that empowers you, that is when you actually talk of the ideas, the vibrancy of the human mind is articulated. Furthermore, I could immerse myself in reasoning this analogy for Listening, smiling, relations and everything, and just when I was thinking, everything has two extreme ends of application,I realized,there is always a third option. Not the both, or may be the both. The sword and the shield. After all, the best wars were won where they all had utilized the both. Well, it is time to for us to get out of the stereo type education systems, and socialization. Well beyond the sword and the shield,there is always more to explore, that is where our vision should lead the light to. That is where we can say, aim of life, not of the dreams. Dreams always have the chance of ‘if’, if we really are here to aspire, I don’t think we can leave that little space. I hope, I made some sense, as this is going a little over my head right now. Or may be I have more doubts. 

Yeah true, now I realize it is very simple to be happy, but it is very difficult to be simple.

I think it is time to say Night night now. Adios!

PS:: A really long hiatus beckons.Living sans technology is finally appealing to be fun. <Hibernation mode>

A Walk Without Earphones

I don't generally eavesdrop. Also, my social memory is very poor,so it doesn't matter,actually, because I can't judge them even if I want to. It took me two months to actually recognise a person I have been seeing regularly for 2 months then. Ok, may be not that poor. Some people, I remember, in my wake and in dream,like I can see and recognise them miles away (ok, that is exaggeration!), feet away, may be it is my selective perception of remembering things. But one thing is for sure. I can not remember a person, by seeing them just once! Don't even get me started with names. I suck. Big time! Ok.. getting to the point, after getting a good rebuke from one of my very close friends regarding my social isolation(In my defense,I put music on, only when I am walking alone) of putting earphones on when I walk, how much information(ya,she used that exact same word),fun I am missing and after her telling me the 'ok-ness' of occassional eavesdropping and it's benefits ;) (even I agree now, it is fun) I decided I ll walk back home without the earphones. Trust me, I felt like I was walking through some random movies! People are funny when observed with no cause-effect relation to the context they are in. Haha! But there is one conversation that struck me. I would have regretted if I, even by chance, missed it.

There were two people sitting: A guy was speaking,I did not see the other person(no, not even gender, I told you,I am poor at observation) I was having juice, so I could catch almost whole of the conversation, lucky me! :D 

That was just one sentence,and I thought it ought to be here, recorded, on the blog, so that I ll never forget or neglect.

"No da, you should not stop abruptly, just try to learn how to manage time na.. Hobbies are not something you have to live with all through, need not be a proffessional or something,but they are those thing which you can not live without, you need them to relieve you from what you want to achieve. Keep them alive,you love them, remember? So no matter what, you ll find time for them,also, they bring glee in you. Once you lose them,it is difficult to get back to them. Trust me, I faced that problem." <And I, felt educated!>

I could not listen to the other person's reply,I was done with juice. I did not want to be perceived creepy, so I left the place. But I think I ll remember what he said. Also, I decided, I ll spend less time with technology and more time, walking through wonderful, realistic and cost-effective movies like this. May be, sometimes a complete stranger has something nice to teach, or may be, sometimes a seemingly juvenile thing needs to be taught! Strange ways.. Strange destinations!
Adios.
PS: Even I think that life is a mistake, if there is no music! :) But movies are much better.

Namma Ooru!!

I have always had a special place for Chennai and Bangalore in my heart, while the same has never been true with Hyderabad! Seriously, all my Hyderabad friends, trust me when I say I have many, will kill me reading this, but that is the truth.. I never hated the city, it is just that I did not have anything worthwhile there, that could make me love the place. May be I ll alter my opinion to subsequently falsify what I said earlier if I have a better Hyd-experience, sometime later. 

Coming back to what I actually want to say, I can't vouch as much for Chennai as I can to, for Bangalore, as my stay there was not considerably that long.. I heard many of my friends complaining about the dirt, noise and the autos (Haha! ;) ). But,I must say,Chennai! What a place! I loved the food(yeah, I am a foodie!), the vivacious places, the unfathomed history the place holds, the serenity and the revel of the beach, I can go on for two days non-stop, in praise of that place. The second best thing about this place is it's unique, relentlessly vivid betiding surroundings, wherever and whenever you go. That would only be the second best thing because, the best-est (Sorry, one superlative will just not do, for what I am about to say) thing about the place is wait-for-it the People. Everyone is ever-ready to help, and anyone answers to the call, 'Anna'. There are malls and fastfoods,but there is always Dosai (yum!!),Idli and Sambar. They can all speak brilliant English, but when they meet a Tamilian they never speak in anything other than Tamizh. The love they have for their language and customs made me admire the language ever more. They have everything about modernity, but they graciously embrace their culture in tender care. I think I made my point clear enough.. I love that place..
Need I even start speaking of Bangalore? I did not even feel like I was away from home. Everyone speaks English, Kannada, Telugu and Tamil, God! they are adaptive, and they are very helpful. I never saw a city that has access to modern amenities and yet so carefully has greenery embedded right next to it. May be, the place I spent most of the time was like that, but that was in the heart of the city, what can I complain about. You get everything in Bengalooru, everywhere. And the best thing is you always see someone you know(Mostly BITSians ;) ). That was the first time I actually felt bad I was leaving a place to go home.. Well it was not just about the place, it had many other people-reasons.I have had some really bedevilling experiences in the rainy season. One of my colleague got mugged(yeah you read that right, he got mugged).Nevertheless, it is one place that changes people to their best. A place no one would ever resist to fall madly in love with..

When it comes to these two places, I would never think twice before saying "They are 'my' places! As good as Home" <gladly, with a grin!>

The point is, the other day when I was reading the newspaper, I read about the Bangalore, Chennai, Hyderabad and Bombay exodus. It made me sad. The places which many people considered their homes were not so welcoming anymore, rather they were threatening the crap out of them. That lingered, as later that evening I was checking my Facebook profile and there were so many morphed humour images about the 5 SMS per day thing. First few, I was fine, reading and enjoying the humour, later on it got a bit too much of me I guess, got rubbed the wrong side. I think I was sad about the jokes that were circulating, more than I was irritated, I was sad.Or may be I lost my sense of humour, you can play the jokes on me, but these days all the jokes are about relationships,after a point of time it gets boring you see, there is so much more in humour than that(Sorry, but I grew up watching Jandhyala movies, so I think I enjoyed better jokes).Anyways, "Marry the girl/guy who sends you all 5 messages"???!!! Really?! When people are so concerned about  the national security and the crisis being faced by so many Indians that are dealing with a scarred psychosis of fear and anxiety, all we are concerned about is the messages we can send to our friends? Pardon me, but that was what I felt. It all dishes out to be.. Hmm.. may be it is a bit too strong a word to use but that was 'Shallow'. Thousands of people are moving away from what they called their home for years out of the fear of ferocity, they left behind their dreams and aspirations, education and achievements, oppurtunities and incentives, just to stay alive, in their own country, where they have the complete freedom to move. And all this, happening in the places I love so much made me even more sad. Deplorable and distressing. The first verse that our parents taught us, was "Athithi Devobhava". The first pledge we promised to honour, at school was "All Indians are my brothers and Sisters". We grew up listening to mythological stories, of Mahabharatha and Ramayana, which led to seriously endangering curses that were only a result of minimal mockery. We learnt better. And this exodus happens just after the Independence day after we all replenish our pride in our country. It is all just too ironical. And yet, there is no place, time or space for us to give a soothing to the people who are the victims of this exodus. Ok! May be I am being too heedfully grevious about this. For me to tell in the same tone as the jokes,to me, these jokes on SMS look like this: Imagine, a software engineer, had a completely screwed up day with his Project Lead shouting at him infront of all his subordinates,a huge set back in the code he was brainstorming on for months,everything that could possibly go wrong in a day went wrong to the rattling extrema and when he came home frustrated, his wife at home was complaining about her broken nail. Yeah, it is THAT lame. May be I would expect someone to be less sarcastic about the whole SMS thing and realise how essential it is to control the whole situation. It is not that I am taking a political stand on this issue, but when people can't trace the root the next obviously logical thing would be to take the situation under control by calming the nerves. It is only coherent. With the raging mobiles and multi-media services it only becomes imperative for the control to be on what quantum of information that can best be committed to the public. One need not support the SMS control actions, but one need not be so visible of their brassy sarcasm either. I am not being judgemental of the humour or the people here, it is only an opinion. One of my close friends found it to be plain humour and could pass it off in a whiff too. But only, I was expecting us to be more concerned about the greater good. This is not, having an exact idea of how others around me should be or passing judgements on people. This is only an opinion of how the events can turn into being better, if we were more sensitive to the issue. It is not a judgement. It is only reminding me of what we were taught to live with, and how paradoxically diametric our choices really are. No one would want people to speak ill of their home. May be the love I have for the places is making me say this, I do not want people to speak ill of those places, I don't want them to leave distressed.

On a larger note,coming to the censors that took course in the social media, the life line of today's communications, that friend of mine, who was actually having a stand against the course of blocking the communication quantums, and me, had a huge debate on this. Censorship regarding the tweets was being perceived as a set back to the Right to freedom of speech and expression and that the events unfolding were only being looked upon as the state's aggressiveness, barging into privacy and other issues of it's citizens. I did not want to assert my opinion on  that friend of mine but I had a different tone to set. We discussed. I was reading the paper for quite sometime now, having catoons about a famous personality I admire the most for some years now. But those cartoons did not get to my nerves, freedom of speech and expression I could respect to,then. But when the question is about national security it has to be in a safe position for whatever it takes it to be sure. Again, I can not stress this enough, but that is my opinion about the events that have been unfolding lately..

May be we can all  find a way to make peace with the SMS strain posed on us and make efforts to make people feel at home. May be, we can stop pulling jokes to make way to images  and texts that can soothe and calm their nerves. May be, we can make our homes, their homes too. May be, we can all share the fruits of falling in love with a place with asuring them that they are safe in a place where they are surrounded by fellow- citizens, their brothers and sisters. May be we can replenish their faith in the solemn avow of 'All Indians are our brothers and sisters'. May be, we can all make them love the simple phrase of 'Feel at home'.
This greatly reminds me of a Telugu song that is really thought provoking..

"Kanapadevi ennenni keratalu kalagalipi samudram antaaru, adagare okkokka ala peru..
Manakila eduraina prathi vaaru manishi ane sandrana keratalu, palakare 'manishi' ante evaru.." (Gamyam)
[The number of waves in concert together, make an ocean. We never ask the identity of each wave in separation. The populous we see everyday are the waves of humanity.. But why is it that no one responds to the call of 'human' ]

May be.. we can all prove to be more relaible and more welcoming for them, not to leave out of fear, but stay out of love! We can all,together, fly free, to chase the wind and touch the skies, only to realise our dreams and aspirations, Feeling at home, with every step we take, everywhere!

Ithu Namma Ooru!

Black and White. And also the Greys..

Just because we look, Doesn't mean we like it..
Just because we like, Doesn't mean we love it..
Just because we love it, Doesn't mean we'll love the whole..
Just because we love the whole, Doesn't mean we'll love it for all times to come..
Because, change is the only thing that is constant, 
The only thing that keeps us going.. 
The way we embrace it is the way we see, 
The perspective, the future.. 
The look might make us love the whites, 
Get awed by the blacks of the picture.. 
But, the thing is we always comfortably ignore the greys 
Only to find that the whole life lies there..

Brought up by the old, 
Growing up with the young, 
That is the rule of the nature..
We have all seen the black and the white, 
The thing is how we imagine the grey.. 
How we start treasuring it..

The bad doesn't get better without a change..
The bad doesn't get to being the best without the greys.. 
We have to pass them all.. see them all.. know them all..
And all we know, is we are comfortable ignoring them..
Though we know,the only way to change.. Is not overnight..

For all those who say, tomorrow is going to be the same..
Millions of people pity you..
Because they know that tomorrow is better..

For all those who ask, what the change was..
Take a hard look at what you do everyday, every minute..
Because,there are a million voices saying that they have seen the change..

For all those who say, no one has done anything to improve,
A billion voices, respectfully disagree..
Only to ask 'Are you the no one?'

For all those who ask, what did the land give me,for me to give back..
Millions of eyes show you that..
A mother gives you birth..
What else would you want as a reason to love her..
And make her live the way she wants?
You are what you are, because she made you that!


There is something unique in this soil, which despite many obstacles has always remained the abode of great souls.

And they are all taking the 66th step.. Only towards a brighter, happier, optimistic and sought after India..  

Where there are accessible, affordable and accountable medical facilities, literacy and education, awareness and employment, and oppurtunities for all.. Free and harmonic social relations with regulated freedom. Now that we are here, it is time to prove that every change has to be towards the better, and that we are the agents of it to happen..

But before we say something pessimistic,Let us remember that..

Shades of grey wherever we go..
The more we find out, the less that we know..
Black and white is what we wish to see..
But shades of grey are the colours we see,
May be it is just an assurance,
The blacks blend to greys.. Only to meet the whites..
Making "Life".. PICTURE PERFECT!
And every second we move towards it.. Strive for it..

-To, my mother India..!!
Nope... May be, I'd want to say,Our mother India! :)

The Rakhi Disarray

<Logged in after long> 
<Clearing all the drafts and consolidating my scribbles strewn all over>
<Posting those that don't make me look totally insane>

Rakhi Purnima, the tradition that has always been close to the hearts of all the brothers and sisters, cutting across regions in the country, the market is on a boom and the courier traffic becomes fussy, well the season is here now. Though I grew up in South India where Rakhi was and is never given much of an importance as in comparison to the North Indian traditions, the brother-sister relationship has been eulogised widely from the then Raktha Sambandham till the recent releases like the Rakhi both in cinema and in family circles,appropriately and adequately. Also a decently long acquaintance with, and exposure to the North Indian culture has helped me develop a habit, to send a Rakhi through post, every year.

Mythology says that Lord Ganesh conceded to the demands of his two sons Shubh and Labh, creating Santoshi Ma from out of the divine flames that emerged from Siddhi and Riddhi. But I am sure they did not have a cartoon Rakhi tied round their wrist as a symbol of protection and surely, they did not exchange illustrated, folded cards featuring sentiment.

Call me old-fashioned, but all that the market offered me was cosmetic-tradition this year. It was harder to find an appropriate Rakhi than ever before. I spent four hours in the market searching for a traditional, appropriate Rakhi, but all in vain, I wanted to send my brother one of those with a gold foil that are bigger than his wrist. When in school, as far as I recall, the guys in our class used to parade the big Rakhis, a proud show off it was. They also used to have those petty contests on who had the maximum number of Rakhi, it was fun. But now, all I get is the small threads fallibly bound together with a little pendant in the middle. Washy and weak were all the models I got. Apparently, they call it ‘re-inventing Rakhi’ these days, giving them a Royal touch. Royal touch, one can live with but it was more than just that, I saw a Doremon Rakhi during my quests in the market, may be that is what is called Indianizing Modern market! Emphatically, I can never call them the sacred threads of protection embellished with the love and affection of a sister for her brother and definitely, can never call it the iron chain that binds the relationship strong. Having fun models and encouraging the designers’ innovation is, well, desirable. It can be a perceivable change one can make peace with, but transforming it as a whole! While it is like this I have to mention a friend of mine who hates the tradition of Rakhi, just because he feels that, once he gets a Rakhi tied round his wrist he is accepting that his sister is weak and needs protection. And he does not like that! One hell of a feminist he is! And I admire that.. Well, I'd say, As it is brothers and sisters these days seldom meet in person, it is all a virtual space meeting and sharing through couriers and e-mails and unfortunately, that also cannot be gotten right. I know it is not about the ‘look’, it is about keeping the culture alive, but why replace it when you can just have an add-on.  After a painstakingly long ordeal in the market all I got was a fancily fragile Rakhi that was a little bigger than the others. Trust me when I say, I had a difficulty in finding the ones that looked remotely traditional with the right colours put in. It actually gets worse. The incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs is, now that the Friendship Day is here, just days away from Rakshabandhan, it is getting harder and harder to differentiate between the two, Rakhi and the Friendship bands. What my brother gets tied around his wrist today is the same as what I might get three days later, but only, they are friends. So it is all relative. If it is a family member and you tie on the full moon day, it is a Rakhi and if it is around your wrist three days later, you are a friend. I was checking my Facebook profile the other day pictures with traditional wristbands with a pooja thali carefully clicked with studio lightings and digitally edited text on the image wishing Rakshabandhan and a similar wrist band with no pooja thali, wishing Friendship day celebrations, being widely circulated made me laugh. Now that the market determines not to waste its preconceived production, it is time we bid farewell to the traditional designs and it will be much better if stop differentiating between the two. Let me leave it at, happy celebrations, whatever is round your wrist!

PS:: That friend of mine I was telling, and me, though contradicting each other in every aspect possible, have common feelings towards friendship day.. Everyday is a friendship day,friends are an inevitable part of who you are,you think there is a necessity,other than market, to have a friendship day? Not that I don't warmly receive wishes, but what is the point? I love my friends and will love and live for them no matter what.. They know it! A band or a card need not prove that, and just one Sunday out of the 52(3) Sundays, can not definitely prove that enough.. Sometimes a moment is enough, sometimes a gesture is enough, sometimes a simple smile will do, to show how precious friends are..

Long Post Script huh? :P ;)

Aspire..

"Hey,look for the green file in the lobby, I am getting really late for the class.." She opened the cupboard, to check for the file there. She knew that the chances of finding it there are really thin, the top drawer,which was not opened for the last few months since her uncle passed away, she did not want to lose even the thinnest of chance to find it, for, she was really getting late. She always used those hand-made files from the SHG she worked for, beautiful as they seemed and also a little something to help the others. She was groping the top drawer for the file,when a roll of paper, as thick as a parchment fell down. To her surprise, it was addressed to her.. Unfolding, she started reading it, it was from her uncle, her father's brother, who was her guardian since long..


" 10th September 2007,
I might be dead long before you read this. But you should know,I was dead. Since yesterday. The day your parents died in the flyover collapse. Even as I wipe my tears off, anger, frustration and self hatred are brimming upon me! I always wanted to tell this to you,but I think it weighed too heavy on me that the chances are, you might hate me.. You are the only ray of hope left for me to move towards forgiving myself, and I did not want to lose that. The truth is, I am responsible for debasing myself,I was corrupt. And that pain anchors heavily on me. It all came back rushing to me when you scarpered, tears rolling down your cheeks, from the tragic scene where your parents lay numb. You knew they were not going to get back to you ever. When I got the contract of the flyover,I got it because I was bribing.Not because I was efficient, not because I was the most suitable for the job. Not because I deserved it. I bribed the officer. When he did not knuckle under, I used the kin force. I gained a lot of money, with which I sent my son to the US.. I was happy. But it shortlived. How the hell did I know that one day, my brother, and his wife, sincere and true to heart teachers as they were, would lay dying under the collapsed flyover? Leaving you an orphan, under the preview of a corrupt guardian such as me..They only left me a life full of remorse. I could not share this with you earlier. I can not bear the feeling that you would see me as the murderer who took your family away from you. But it is my responsibility that I should keep you informed, even from beyond! The day you came to stay with me forever, is the day I realized how gruesome a life I was leading. I stopped contracts. I was a bigger person from then on. I know that this is not the appropriate way of letting you know that your parents' murderer,has been your guardian all along.But,against all the odds,I hope somewhere,sometime down the lane,you can forgive me. I think somewhere deep down I know I would not be able to look directly into your eyes filled with hatred, no.. not even on my death bed, and that is  why this letter. I hope the blotches of tears will not vitiate what I wanted to say. I now know the cost of corruption. You know that my good wishes will always be with you.
Love,
Uncle (If you can still call me that)"


A letter, a piece of paper has changed all that has happened to her, her whole life, all that she has believed in.It was from that person who taught her that 'Life is beautiful'. But it turns out,Life is clasped tight in the many paths you have to choose, which path you take, which color you apply to make it beautiful, is totally in your hands.

Puffy-eyed, she thought of the last time she saw her parents, through the balcony when they were going to get her the Harry Potter book she has been nagging them to buy.They never returned. She walked up and down the hallway, clutching the letter tight. On hearing the loud footsteps, she looked up and on seeing him at a distance, a faint smile appeared on her face.As he walked closer to her, she gained some strength she lost in the last few minutes. He sat next to her, gave her the file and asked her what the matter was. She shook her head, gesturing everything was fine.Its her husband. Yeah, everything is going to be fine. She knows,though not at the moment, she is going to forgive her uncle, after all, he died of remorse, she is a bigger person than he was,now, she has a husband who is a social worker, who never in his living nightmare,would offer anyone a penny to bribe. She is a teacher, and works with the Self help groups. She is on the right side of the coin. She clutched the file, and took steps towards the school, as she knows, somewhere down the lane, she will influence at-least one person to stick to morale and be truly humane all life long. She knows, her job is what moulds the future, she knows that what she is doing is what is going to save more people from getting victimized. She can pay back to the society for what her uncle did. She was sitting in a corner, wiping the tears off her cheeks with the ends of her sari. Life goes on, but only towards a better tomorrow..

How Random can Random get..?

Non-statutory warning: This post being completely random(I might stop making sense in the middle of the post),might be really long and quite boring,feel free to close the browser tab now.. If you did not close the tab then, you might ask me why I want to post it.. I have my reasons.. Ok.. Yeah.. I don't want to sound so aloof, It is just that there are so many ramblings going on in there, top of my head, trust me, it is a small space and I need to get them out,just to free myself. And this is one place where I can do that happily without any concerns.. Sounding narcissistic am I? Well, it is true.. This is my place! :D

This post here is a product of three incidents that have happened recently(not necessarily personal, but ya,they got me thinking)
One,a conversation with my friend Shikha
The second, was me watching a fantabulously awesome movie, 'Anonymous'
The third, was the really ghastly incident that took place in the Maruti carplant at Manesar.

Let me start with the conversation and ease you into boredom..
Shikha asked me if she could find me on facebook and I said I was not on the social network and we got talking about the various features on profile there. Political and Religious ideologies, that is where we got struck and ended up having a discussion about how much we like Karl Marx.Later that night I was browsing and I realised that many of my friends fill that their Political ideology is 'Not interested in Politics' or 'Politics is crap <Excuse me for the language,I tend to do that a lot these days>'. 

Then I remembered something Shikha told me that day. Politics is being seen with a very narrow perspective these days, the maladies the profession carries are being reflected on the people to take a radical stand of not having an ideological inclination at all, she being well versed with the political ideologies says that the fact that one carries a political ideology says that she/he has a vision for the country, they have a clear ideology which should drive the country to the place where they want to see it,Polity is not what we see in the elections today. It is not the policies and promises in the manifestos, it is a drive, it is a social institute that takes us ahead from where we are today. So, having an ideology is having a clear idea of what means are to be manifested to gratify their vision for how the country should get where you want it to be.. I told you this is going to be boring.. But I can not help but go on..Yeah, everyone wants to have a country where there are accessible, affordable and accountable medical facilities, literacy and education, awareness and employment, free and harmonic social relations with regulated amounts of freedom, the point of ideology is, 'How do we get there?'. I remembered back when I had a facebook account my ideology was filled in as 'Liberal'.. After a real short conversation with Shikha I realized I placed myself wrong. I went on Wikipedia to know what my ideology was,later on that..
Coming back to the discussion, I said I love Karl Marx, But I can never be a Marxist. She was taken aback, I actually felt more in peace with Durkheim's theory when it comes to social change, I might be sounding more like a conformist or chauvinistically old fashioned but, when Shikha asked me why, I got thinking and I realized that.. It is not my love for conventions that made me say this but my intention of opposition to Marxism got me here.Now don't get me wrong,here is my explanation.. Whenever I listen to the word or the name 'Marx', the next thing I listen in my head is 'Revolution' and then my visual appearances turn red.. That is pertaining to 'Bloodshed' and 'Violence'.. That is where the whole incident of the Maruti carplant got knit in.. how brutal was that, revolution.. yeah, radicalism is very inspiring, but they were the reason for the loss of a precious life.Not that  I am a great patron of Gandhian ideology of Ahimsa, No!I am not,but just that I have a much much much greater value for Life than I could ever think of.. I never knew I valued life so much till I had that discussion with Shikha.. Later, I was watching 'Anonymous' movie that night, and fell in love with a dialogue::

Ben Jonson: Politics? My play has nothing to do with politics. I-i-i-it's just a simple comedy. 
Earl of Oxford: It showed your betters as fools who'd go through life barely managing to get food from plate to mouth were it not for the cleverness of their servants. All art is political, Jonson, otherwise it would just be decoration. And all artists have something to say, otherwise they'd make shoes. And you are not a cobbler, who also 'writes', are you Jonson. (Now, that is not degrading or undermining because back then, there were no artisans involved in materialistic production, it was almost majorly mechanical)

Even the most intense art forms are sometimes the products of political ideologies. After all,French revolution had an ideological push from literature! That is when I had this urge to find my place in the political ideologies.. Not that I am forcing anyone to know their ideology, but this is the celebration of me knowing that everyone has an ideology innately.For all those who love the country.. Actually,that is what we owe to patriotism and nationalism.. It is only a matter of exploring it within oneself. Now, to my discovery (Ok, that is a tad too much,but cut me some slack.. If you had to read this! I typed it!)I realized that I believe in a Polity that has an inclination of Libertarian Socialism with an emphasis on Participism. And as a person, I am close to being a Persistently Optimistic Egalitarian,not that it is of any importance, it is just the joy of knowing and realisation, you know! ;)

Shikha expressed similar views on a sensitive topic of religious views, of religion being a way of life and nothing more than that.. I did not have any comments on that, as I am an Agnostic Theist.. And I am quite clear on why I am so.. May be I got a little confused as a child and that sustained to stay and grow within me!

If you survived through the post, it is great! If you did not,you must be fun, least interested in this and first of all.. you would not be reading this.. So now that I am freed of all the ramblings,realizing that the scariest moment is always just before you start .. Now that I am past it, I can sleep in peace! Phew!! It is oddly unsettling and somehow serene.. Adios! So it turns out, This is as random as it could get!

My new Monalisa

It is so unnatural that 2 years passed on blogger without me mentioning about 'My Precious!' I am a proud owner of a one Mister Canon PowerShot S5 IS. I go on occassional detours to pacify my enthusiasm in photography,how it developed is a whole other story involving a late night work for an SHG. May be I ll write another post for that sometime later. For now, this is dedicated to my camera! Hopefully, I ll be an owner of a DSLR soon enough. Fingers Crossed as there are miles to go...

I owe a post to my camera, which has been with me through all climates and all my moods,it has been my eyes, it has made my mental images come true,it gave me stories to write. It gave me people to speak to(Something really weird about me, I like it a lot when I speak to person who is a complete stranger and has nothing in common with me, when I try to 'speak' to people without making a snap judgement on seeing them or on knowing from where they are, and it is weird but I do speak to strangers a lot when I am with my camera).It introduced to me, a new me. It regulates my thought. It makes me paint with light. It makes me see things differently. It makes my surroundings so much more beautiful.. Ya! I guess I can do this for days. I know,I am not a professional, but,just get this 'My camera makes me complete!'


Haah! That is enough introduction about my post's protagonist. There is one incident I wanted to share.. The other day.. I went clicking to the park in the vicinity here, for my love for candid shots and what better than playful kids? A group of kids were playing and having fun, and I went to click, as it is, they were making fun of one of the girls in their gang, she had bugs bunny teeth, and whenever she was aware that the camera was on her, she stopped smiling, that made me sad. However, I came out of the park, and there was a kid selling balloons, and I wanted to have an icecream and also click balloons, so I started a conversation with him asking about his hometown(a village in U.P, he came to Delhi to earn for himself and his family), his aspirations and his income(mind me! :P he did not feel bad). He said that he wanted to be Shahrukh Khan,he had Bugsy teeth too,like the girl from the park, but when he started posing for the camera, he never clinched.. "Mast photo kheechna didi.. Mein Shahrukh jaisa dikhunga!!" He had a great , bright smile. I can't believe I am saying this, but it was brighter than sunshine, sweeter than honey. I hope he makes it to Bollywood someday. That day,  my camera made me re-learn something I had long forgotten, which my dad told me when I was teasing my cousin, for her rabbit teeth,yeah.. I know, as a kid, I was a pompous fool.. Well.. on a different note, here is what my dad taught me::


"There is no such thing like an ugly smile. Because, people don't smile with their teeth or lips, they smile with their eyes." That day, when I met the future Shahrukh(ya, I have decided), he made it a point, he proved it to me that life is bumping into you, new every moment, and we are to embrace the beauty of life with a smile.. It is not some 'Bugsy' name people give you or comment about your smile.. And my camera proved it! Every smile had life in it! Every picture had life in it. Now, I know why I click nature more often, nature is all smiles, be it summer, winter or monsoons. Now, I know why I click architecture more often,it smiles through the elbow grease of great artisans,and now, I know why I click more often, because there is no such thing like an 'Ugly smile'. That was the day when my dad told is when I decided, I will return a smile, whenever I see a glowing one,whether it is for me or not, I ll return it. I'd love to be the best smile merchant there ever was..

On an ending note, I would love to quote Phoebe Buffay::

"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens

Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens

Brown paper packages tied up with strings

These are a few of my favorite things "

#F.R.I.E.N.D.S


I don't know why, but this particular song always makes me smile. That day, I found my new Monalisa in that kid,I hope you find yours soon too..


PS:: This post is in love for my camera,one year of having it and loving it. Also,to the awesome smile the hero (Jai) carries in the movie 'Engeyum Eppothum'(I did not like the movie so much,one half of it was lame enough to ruin the other awesome half! :D ), I am recently in love with a song from that movie. And to all the other Monalisas(no gender barriers by the way)  out there.. Smile away to glory! When you find a glowing smile, just return one! Please! :)


PPS:: Smellyy cat.. smelly cat.. What are they feeding you!! :D (And that is just some Phoebe-craziness!)